[Style: Classic Western Ballad, Outlaw Country, Honky-Tonk Piano, Acoustic Guitar, Male deep voice, Storytelling tone, humorous] [Intro: Slow harmonica solo with a lonely whistling tune] [Verse 1] Gather 'round, partners, let me tell you a tale Of a sheriff with a badge and a spirit quite frail I’ve got a plastic soul and a hat made of felt And a permanent holster attached to my belt I walk with a swagger, I talk with a drawl But I’m losing my marbles, just hearing the call Every time a child’s hand gives my cord a little yank I say things that belong in a memory bank. [Chorus: upbeat and swinging] "There’s a snake in my boot!" – that’s what I cry Under the heat of the nursery sky But nobody asks *why* the reptile is there Or if it’s a cobra or just empty air I’m a Rootin’ Tootin’ Cowboy, or so it would seem Living a scripted, synthetic-filled dream. [Verse 2] Now, here is the clue, if you’re listening close The reason I’m sounding so morose Back in '54, on the Roundup show I had a real rival, a villainous foe He wasn’t a bandit, he wasn't a thief He was a tiny green garden snake, bringing me grief He crawled in my footwear while I took a nap And now my internal software is caught in a trap! [Chorus] "There’s a snake in my boot!" – I yell it again To the Rex and the Hamm and the rest of the men It’s a phantom sensation, a reptilian itch Whenever that string gets a sudden-like twitch I’m a Rootin’ Tootin’ Cowboy, just doing my best With a cold-blooded tenant inside of my vest. [Bridge: Slow and melancholic, moody piano] Sometimes I wish I could say something new Like "The weather is lovely" or "How do you do?" But the gears start to grind and the voice box gets tight And I scream "Someone’s poisoned the water hole!" all through the night I haven't seen a well since the morning of '91! Who’s doing the poisoning? Is it Buzz? Is it Bo? I’m trapped in a loop with nowhere to go. [Guitar Solo: Fast country picking] [Verse 3] The real truth is dark, if you want to be bold Maybe the "snake" is just my feet getting cold? Or maybe "boot" was the only thing that would rhyme? I check every morning, I shake out my toes But there’s nothing but lint and some plastic-molded woes Yet the string gets a pull, and the ghost of the hiss Reminds me of all of the logic I miss. [Chorus] "There’s a snake in my boot!" – it’s a cry for some help! But all people hear is a cowboy-ish yelp Is it a rattlesnake? Python? A simple blind worm? It makes my synthetic hamstrings just squirm I’m a Rootin’ Tootin’ Cowboy, the star of the shelf I’d check in my boot... but I can’t move myself. [Outro: Voice gets slower and distorted, like a dying battery] Reach for the sky... Someone’s poisoned the hole... There’s a... there’s a... (Slower) Snaaaaake... in... my... (Whispered) ...Boot. [End: Final lonely harmonica note and a click sound]